Backstory: My buddy Brian informed me his sister was getting divorced, and we’d probably make a good couple. Upon introducing us, we got along splendidly….until I got a heads-up phone call that her husband was gonna kill me. It sure would have been nice if she had told me the truth from the onset. Like….they were having issues (obviously), but divorce wasn’t on the table, at that point. She wanted “company, “ and I was the lucky fella, sorta. I had a vacation scheduled to California in 10 days. Upon being tipped-off that a jealous husband was coming down to Ohio to dispatch me, I altered my travel plans. But the soonest I could get my expedited flight was the following morning.
So, I went to the gun range, and shot three rounds through the silhouette target’s head, three through the heart, and six more through the crotch.
I utilized a Sharpie® marker to circle the target “hits,” and boldly wrote, “Think again.”
I hung the target on the outside of my apartment door, and hunkered down in my kitchen, fully armed. Once safely in Sacramento, I grabbed a guitar and wrote this ditty from my perspective, with a blatant homage to the similarly-themed Lynryd Skynyrd classic, “Gimme Three Steps.”
When Mary called to tell me her husband no longer wanted to kill, he just wanted to kill her, I was much relieved and figured at some point, (10 days) ya gotta go home. I was tired of the runnin’.


Better Times AIn’t Comin’
Something’s a matter. I learned about the flatter.
It’ll get you in a jamb, and your life don’t matter.
For a few minutes of Heaven, now I’m high-stepping’.
Never alone at night beside my 3-5-7, and I’m

Tired of the runnin’, covering my own.
But better times ain’t coming’. It’s time for me to head back home.

My best buddy’s sister, I never should’ve kissed her.
Asking for three steps ain’t half what I need mister.
Time I was makin’, now inside I’m shakin’.
Her husband’d like to see me at the bottom of a lake, and…..

Tired of the runnin’, covering my own.
But better times ain’t coming’. It’s time for me to head back home.


If you’re with women that are older, look over your shoulder.
Her man’ll like to put you six foot under where it’s colder.
Don’t say, “It can’t happen.”
‘cause he’ll catch you when you’re nappin’.
Just keep it to yourself, don’t let those lips start a’flappin, and…